


Forgiveness and Hope

by RavenclawSlayer



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:22:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29084586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenclawSlayer/pseuds/RavenclawSlayer
Summary: Continuation to Buffy's breakdown in Tara's lap at the end of 'Dead Things'Comfort, friendship, hope for something more.
Relationships: Tara Maclay/Buffy Summers
Kudos: 10





	Forgiveness and Hope

“Please don't forgive me...”, Buffy continued crying and sobbing, her head buried in Tara’s lap. Her arms wrapped around Tara’s waist and she didn’t want to let go of her. Tara’s heart was breaking for Buffy and she started running her fingers through Buffy’s blonde hair soothingly, wishing she could somehow magically heal Buffy’s heart and make her get out of the dark, deep hole the poor girl had fallen into.

Those anguished sobs hurt Tara’s soul, but she didn’t wanna tell Buffy to stop crying and calm down, her friend needed to get it all out and Tara hoped she’d feel at least a tiny bit better afterwards.

She just whispered “shhh…” every now and then, when Buffy’s sobs got too loud. When Buffy finally stopped sobbing, Tara thought she might have fallen asleep and she whispered her name.

“Oh, god, Tara… I’m sorry…”, Buffy whispered and slowly got up, trying to wipe her tears with her sleeve. Her eyes were red from crying, and they were so sad and full of shame and regret.

“Please, don’t apologize… I hope you’re feeling better…”, Tara reached out for Buffy’s hand and Buffy accepted it and sat down next to Tara again.

“A little bit. Thank you.”, Buffy whispered and hugged Tara, who returned the hug and thought how tiny and fragile Buffy looked and felt at that moment. She wasn’t a big, bad Slayer at that moment, she was just a girl trying her hardest to keep herself from falling apart.

“You’re very welcome, sweetie.”, Tara whispered and gently rubbed Buffy’s neck, like she was holding a kitten… Buffy even purred a little, which made Tara smile.

“Do you want me to make you a cup of tea or something?”, Tara asked and then felt tingles move all over her body… Buffy’s lips were on her neck… and moving slowly, leaving little kisses all over. Tara couldn’t even believe how good those kisses felt, how fast they started sending waves of shivers over her body… but she didn’t think it would be nice of her to take advantage of Buffy’s vulnerable state… she wasn’t Spike, after all. Buffy had been used enough, she couldn’t add to it, so she slowly moved away.

“Um… B-Buffy?”

Like she got electrified, Buffy jumped away, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I’m so sorry, Tara.”

“Sweetie, stop apologizing, you don’t have to be ashamed or sorry. If I thought you really wanted me that way, I wouldn’t stop you… but you’re just over emotional now and tomorrow it would be another thing you’d have to punish yourself for. I don’t want that for you. I wanna help you heal. I’ll do everything in my power to make it hurt less.”, Tara said, her voice gentle, her eyes on Buffy’s, which started filling with tears again.

“Tara? Can you spend the night here, please?”, Buffy said, careful not to sound like she meant anything naughty by saying that.

“Of course, sweetie.”

They talked for a little bit longer and then Buffy went to take a shower, and Tara did the same after her. Buffy put on her yummy sushi pajamas and got under the covers, waiting for Tara to come. Thankfully, some of Tara’s clothes, including her night dress with a unicorn on it, were still in the house.

Buffy moved a little to make room in bed for Tara, she didn’t want to accidentally touch her and make her uncomfortable in any way.

“I don’t know how to thank you for tonight, Tara.”, Buffy whispered when Tara lay down next to her, they were facing each other.

“Close your eyes and sleep, sweetie. You need a good rest. That’s the best way to thank me, really.”, Tara tucked Buffy’s hair behind her ear and she suddenly really wanted to kiss her, but didn’t think it was a great idea. Buffy was much calmer now, more relaxed, more herself, but Tara still thought like she would be taking advantage of the situation if she acted on her impulse.

“Good night, Tara.”, Buffy said and closed her eyes.

“Good night, Buffy.”, Tara said.

Sadly, it wasn’t a good night for Buffy. Just like every other night since she’d gotten resurrected, nightmares tormented her. She started thrashing and mumbling things and when she yelled in her sleep, Tara awoke with a start, her heart breaking when she saw Buffy was crying in her sleep too. Not just crying… fighting, suffering.

“Buffy… Buffy, sweetie, you’re dreaming… Wake up…”, Tara kept whispering and she pulled the sleeping blonde into her arms… she slowly played with her hair and kissed the top of her head, one arm soothingly moving over Buffy’s back.

“Help me… please, help me get out…”, Buffy whispered and Tara realized she was probably having another nightmare about digging her way out of her grave. She decided to shake her gently, while calling her name in a hushed voice, not to scare her.

Her eyes opened and Buffy looked around, disoriented. She was breathing fast and it took her a moment to realize she was in her own bed, not buried alive.

Tara handed her a glass of water and hugged her tightly. “You’re ok… Goddess, Buffy… I’m so sorry you have to keep digging yourself out night after night… poor sweetie…”

“What if I never get over it? Tara, I just want it to stop hurting… I know that letting Spike hurt me is sick, but physical pain is much better than this…”, Buffy wiped away tears that started threatening to spill again.

“Promise me you won’t go to him again… Not unless you love him and want a nice, healthy relationship.”

“Ugh, of course I don’t love him. Hell, I broke his face earlier. I just wanna feel… something.”

“What are you feeling now?”, Tara whispered and slowly ran the tips of her fingers over Buffy’s face that was still wet with tears.

“I… I don’t know. I’m relieved I’m not in the ground… But, I just… I don’t know. You should go back to sleep, I don’t know if I’ll manage to get any more sleep tonight, though.”

“Oh, Buffy…”, Tara sighed and gently kissed tears off of both of her cheeks. Buffy’s green, teary eyes suddenly looked so full of hope and Tara couldn’t break her heart any further, so she slowly moved her lips to Buffy’s and gave her the gentlest kiss.

Unsure if Tara wanted her to return the kiss, Buffy didn’t move her lips for a moment, but Tara wasn’t stopping the kiss, so she returned it with pleasure. The kiss deepened, it was so slow and gentle and still passionate, nothing like Buffy had ever experienced before. Her heart beat faster, from excitement, not fear, for a change. And it filled with hope, not despair.

Maybe tomorrow wouldn’t suck if Tara stayed with her… maybe she could still fight this darkness and win the fight, if Tara lent her some of her light…


End file.
